曾经想

曾经想征服全世界，最后才发现自己只是个多余。

i need an ice-cream now to keep the stress at bay

my event is finally going to take place this coming sunday and yet i am sneaking a post here al because i am overwhelmed with things to do. well well, i am not ranting or complaining. shhhssss but i must confess, i like being busy. well, some how some what.

looking forward to bakerzin alcoholic series mooncake treats at the end of all the hardwork!

dear friends, you dont know

with the proliferating use of social media, some social etiquette must be taught and learnt. for the things you post though may not be intentional, will be read by your friends, your relatives, common friends, the person you are hinting at. by having another person liking or commenting in support of your post, does not help. dear friends of friend, you do not know that the comment you post cursing that shadowed person that is being pointed to in the status post to "go and die" is actually reading your post and at the verge of giving up life. your unintended insensitive comment, can be an indirect stream of poison added to the situation. dear friend of friend, you do not know the other side of the story, please do not comment or curse as freely as if the intended person does not read it. you never know he/she is reading it as you happily forgot what you have written. dear friend, i urge you, in anger or frustration, restrain yourself and do not post anything that will cast a shadow on someone and try to gain likes from your friends. dear friends of friend, by your little click or small comment, you never know you might have hurt the person that you dint know is the receiving end of this. 

coincidental

it was all so coincidental. by right, i am supposed to be at work, by right, she was supposed to be at home. but by left, we were both not at where we were supposed to be and that's how amazing that life brought us to meet again.

she is my primary school art teacher and then primary 4 form teacher. she was fierce, she once pushed my head because i did something wrong, i guess it was some careless mistake that i made in my worksheet. i remembered crying once i got back to my seat. but she was the one that inspired me, developed my passion for drawing, for art. she gave me the chance to take part in art competitions, win top prizes and opened my eyes to different genre of art forms.

after leaving primary school i made a few visits back but only learnt that she has retired the year i left. i had always wanted to find her contacts, to contact her again. there was a chance i managed to fish out her mobile number for a fellow teacher but lost all of my precious contacts when i was pick pocketed in russia. there and then, i thought, there is no chance to keep in touch with her.

but today, it was just so amazing. she came out of her car while my mum drove passed and i just stare at her in shock. my mum pulled over so that i could catch up with her and its just amazing how fate has gave us the chance to meet again.

life's amazing isnt it?

Amazing Grace; My Chains are Gone

such a touching re-composed hymn that i must share, been having it on loop for the whole day. God's grace is amazing and we must sing about it!

1\ 

Amazing grace how sweet the sound

that saved a wretch like me

i once was lost, but now i'm found

was blind, but now i see. 

2\ 

t'was grace that taught my heart to fear

and grace my fears relieved

how precious did that grace appear

the hour i first believed

refrain:

my chains are gone

i've been set free

my God, my savior has ransomed me

and like a flood His mercy reigns

unending love, Amazing grace

3\

the earth shall soon dissolve like snow

the sun will cease to shine

but God, who called me here below

will be forever min

you are forever mine

胜过自己，超越自己

认为自己弱小的话，会输给强大的人，认为自己强大的话，会输给自己。只有抛开要赢的想法...才是真正胜利的路.. 

-来自 崔始源 微博 Choi Siwon

24 years... in this skin, with this face

i have lived slightly more than 24 years in this skin, with this face. i must say, i never quite at any point of my life like the skin that i am in, love the face i was given. i am Asian fair, but i am still yellow. we have a phrase in Chinese that goes like this "yellow faced women" and you sure don't want anyone, especially your lover to call you by that because that means old haggard woman. so thats me.

i have a face that i would never consider pretty. with that said, i was never those popular kids in school that had all the attention of everyone else. i was just a plain jane, trying to get past my education career and into a local university and on to a decent job. on a side note, decent job, you hear it, i have had dreams, i must clarify, but really, i leave that all into God's hands. i pray about it and if He leads me there, i give thanks, even if He decides otherwise, i give thanks. what more can i ask when God my creator is leading me to where He wants to lead me. so well, that aside, i have a decent job with an interesting job scope, so i am not complaining.

back to my talk about my face. like i said, i dont have a pretty face, but what i think i have is a childish face that helps me to pass off using the bus concession despite the fact that i sometimes do miss school but have graduated almost a year ago. i have a blur face or rather i have the perpetual "what the hell am i doing here" face as many have told me. i am never photogenic, i sucks in photos. really ugly i am not kidding you.

but yesterday in office, while ranting to my colleague, she said, "you have the atas fierce look". oh wow i thought.  i never associated myself with those words; atas, fierce. then that night i asked a close friend, and she said i look cold and fierce and style. oh well since more than 1 person said so, i shall take it.

today i stared into the mirror and saw my own reflection, and i thought, well, i like the cold look that i have. with my natural messy hair, i can easily pass off as those model you see on fashion magazines parading their outfits.

for that, i am staring to like this face that i have. it feels good to be comfortable with what God has given you. i know many are struggling with that, but well, its never too late to accept your looks, accept who you are, because God loves you for everything you are.

cheers! 

its about 14 months more to go!

its about 14 months more to our big day! yes, you dint hear it wrong. actually, we have fixed the date since ages ago but the boy was never too comfortable to share it with others because he always say its still far away, we never know what will happen from now till then. but the little girl here is too excited not to share the news!!!!

so he proposed last year, a few days after Christmas. well we talked about buying a flat, getting married and sorts way before that. i believe the fact that we were still together despite my 4 months overseas exchange studies in russia, his 10 months in-camp training that followed shortly after that, and 3 weeks leadership training in wifi-less nepal, it all meant we were for each other. talks about applying for a bto, getting the engagement ring, dreaming of our wedding started early last year. but me being me, i felt insecure and i needed something to calm my nerves and heart, so he proposed, i said yes!

its such a magical journey with him. i cannot say it was all happily ever after the engagement, but i think we really grew closer with each other with the busy 2013 that awaited in. in jan, we were having our usual date and we happen to be at my style wedding roadshow, there, we signed our wedding boutique package. it was like a great step we made towards our wedding. then the months ahead got so busy with the upcoming church youth camp in June, and the many other church commitments that were growing on us since we got together back in 2010, but serving the Lord more extensively and serving in the same ministry together, encouraging each other and seeing our other half grow and mature, it was something that made this relationship more meaningful than anything else.

now that the youth camp is over with a great success because by the grace of God, one of our camper accepted Christ, and things are back to the less busy state, we are back at our wedding planning. and seriously i am so excited!!!!!

first things first, we are going to design our wedding logo, which i have already posted some prototypes up, next we should settle our wedding theme and colour scheme, and most importantly, we need a venue for the wedding dinner since the ceremony will be held in church, that saves us some headache.

i have bought her wedding magazine and have been searching online for ideas and inspiration for our wedding. we have something in mind, but lets keep it special and not reveal too much until the day itself. so for now, if anyone happens to read my blog or is kind enough to share some wedding venues with us, please do share! we will appreciate it much!

design a tote bag

 get a muji plain tote bag. they sell it in 3 sizes, 

small (A5), medium (A4, with base and without base), large (A3) 

prices are as follows: $1.90, $2.90, $2.30, $3.90. 

i bought each of every size they had, except for the medium one without base. 

i felt the medium one had the perfect size. 

go online, search for a pattern or design you like and print it out. 

i would highly suggest that you print the image in colour, 

it will help you later on when you colour your design. 

 fold your bag horizontally such that it forms a line that will mark the middle of the bag and act as a guiding line. place your image in the bag and adjust it to the position you would like the design to be. 

grab a pencil and trace it! 

 now, remove your image from the bag and place at a thin stack of paper inside the bag. 

get a permanent marker that can mark on any surface and trace over your pencil marking. 

now your image will come in handy as you retrace it according to the image. 

because you might make mistakes on your pencil trace. 

the paper inside the bag will also ensure that the ink does not seep through and stain the other side of the bag. 

 now on the same bag, get another design and create your own design. 

 this project was extremely tough! 

mind ya, i made many modifications to the design if you can see. but its alright, 

at least the general design and feel is there! 

i am thinking of colouring the sunflower look-alike flower and the bottom and top of the design.

what do you think? 

keep calm and colour mandala patterns

with the amount of stress that is piling up with lots of church stuff going on, and work being hung in mid-air coupled with all the uncertainties that awaits me, seriously, i am not functioning right now. colouring mandala patterns is the only way to help me keep calm like a clam and function. so next time, if you need to keep calm, colour some mandala patterns!  

oh my gosh!

today, in office, i was talking to my colleague and she told me, her niece just turned 25 and she told her to stop counting her age after that. then to my sheer realization, i graduated from college last year, i was 23, this year, i am turning 24 in less than a month's time, next year, i will be celebrating my coming of quarter century age, and then what? oh gosh! time seriously flies!!!! i'm scared!!!! kitten, stop bouncing! its like telling you another second has just slipped past! 

for all those looking for the right one

My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.

So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.

Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.

If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.

The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.

2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.

Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.

3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.

Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.

Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.

Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.

Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.

4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.

You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.

5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.

It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?

Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.

So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

credits: http://thechristianpundit.org/2012/08/15/it/

postcards inspiration

 i never know postcards can be so pretty if you piece them up. after getting this inspiration from my colleague, i decided to do the same. and i really love the effect. oh so pretty! it never fails to perk me up!

the mind is too powerful, so stay positive

recently so many things happened in the office that its wearing me out. but God is always gracious. He has His plans and will make a way for me. surprisingly despite all that's been coming down on me over the last week, and everyone being depressed and sad around me, i was able to encourage them. sometimes, in the process of encouraging someone, you are really, encouraging yourself. so when you are down and out, encourage yourself. en-courage, add more courage. so, stay positive everyone!