Sunday, April 25, 2010

once again

its the same exact feeling once again,

just like those i was tugging with in the weeks just before the very start of my new smu life. now it is coming back to me once again. somehow, its too intense i cannot cope with it.

aww please take me out of this! which is not very possible unfortunately );

Friday, April 23, 2010

lines 'n' circles II

according to my more mathematically-trained-brain friend,
parallel lines can meet... ...
they don't have to cross each other,
all they have to do : is to move closer,
eventually they will meet and fuse together.

gosh girl, you are so clever!
humanities trained brain and mathematically trained brain 果然就是不一样!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

单纯,简单,执著

单纯,简单而执著的爱是我心中完美的爱情观。
其实我们想一想,爱不就是要这一样吗?
天天编撰属于自己的故事。单纯的只爱对方,简单的用自己的方式去爱,然后执著着。

--版权所属周思豪博客篇《海派甜心》




或许我们正在最追求这样踏实的爱情

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

rewind and replay

it seems like the date of moving is nearing, so since the academic semester has ended for me, i've decided to do some clearing and packing before i start my internship.

old grandmothers like keep their life savings in Jacob biscuits tin boxes and hide them in some secure places. i am an old woman at heart, i love to keep sentimental things in tins too. so i have tins and tins of them packing inside my cardboard. its about time to take them out and throw away some of the less important things.

under the thick layer of dust, i found many things...

there were letters friends wrote to me, cards best friends sent me during festive seasons, and even cards that were addressed to Joanne and signed off 'lots of love, from Joanne'.

there were also diaries that i kept over the years. i never realized the amount of emotions and memories i wrote down all these years before blogging became a more convenient and organized option. though i was tempted to read them over and over again, but i never plucked up the courage to read them. i was fearful of re-visiting the past in minute detail. i would rather let memories replay on a selective basis like how i pick songs to listen from a CD.

some past i have tried over the long course of the years to erase them without leaving a trace from my memory. i thought i have won over them. but once in a blue moon they still come back to haunt me. these months it has turned nothing for the better. i know enough time have passed and i naively thought that i have let go of them, but it seems not so. all these years, i still held on to it without realizing.

every time i dream of the future, i am in utter fear, because the past will not let me go, it will only continue to haunt me for the many years to come..

不学习放开,是囚禁自己的心灵,
只有学会放开,才能让心灵自由的飞翔!

尘埃

我不断地问我自己,
你到底是否还在,
有时不见你的存在,
有时又不是如此,
如今, 什么都成烟影,
但我的心却是微笑着的,
因为你不再是我的束缚 。


*不知道这是不是我曾经写的,
还是从别的地方抄来的,
但是它让我感到屡屡的忧伤,潇洒,坚强。

Saturday, April 17, 2010

lines 'n' circles

if we were to draw a graphical or rather pictorial representations of what had been going on, then lines and circles are what we are drawing over and over again for the past few months.

its a process of thinking and more thinking, in the brains of Mars and Venus. sometimes we think alike, sometimes we don't. sometimes we think too much, but sometimes we just assume that we are thinking alike, though it turns out not to be so. maybe its because we are too afraid to say for fear of the other's reaction, maybe we are just too shy to say things plain and clear, maybe we just take it for-granted that after all these while, we might by chance hit the same chords.

we always say we want to understand each other more, better and deeper. you've tried, and so have i, both to the best we could. but deep down i never told you something. its not because i don't want to, but i don't know how to, and neither do i wish it to come back and haunt me once again.

i asked you, how far have we come to? you told me mid way. i wanted to say, we have came really far, beyond mid-point. at least to me, it was a long journey from absolute impossibility to somewhat of possibility. you probably will never know how often i looked back and i wondered time and again how did we make it this far. i always thought parallel lines would never cross, but seems like we've violated that mathematical law.

will we go back into impossibility again? i am choosing to believe not, since you said i think we can be more, though i somehow do suspect that there is some sort of disparity in our interpretations.

i don't know where is the end of the start, maybe you should enlighten me about it, but ironically, you have no idea too. maybe we might miss it, maybe if we are lucky we wouldn't. probably we need a guiding hand there to lead us to it.

oh well, i don't think i make sense here. if you can catch it, good for you, if you cant, good for you too, since people say being kept in the unknown can be a blessing too.

you get me, you don't... ...

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

mugiya.麦屋

there is this really lovely little bread shop just situated at the landing of simei mrt station. ever since yesterday i tried their japanese garlic, i am so totally in love with this shop.

if breadtalk give a new definition to eating bread, and now you have lost it, mugiya will redefine and refine the whole new experience of eating bread. once again, you will pick up those once seemingly unappealing bread and eat them with a tint of happiness like those that sparkle in the eyes of a little child when he savor those deliciously rich ice-cream.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

西藏沙漠

我仿佛来到了西藏的宽阔沙漠,
我在其中鼓舞,唱首给你的歌! 

梦驼铃

攀登高峰望故乡
黄沙万里长
何处传来驼铃声
声声敲心坎
盼望踏上思念路
飞纵千里山
天边归燕披残霞
乡关在何方

风沙吹不去印在
历史的血痕
风沙挥不去苍白
海棠血泪

黄沙吹老了岁月
吹不老我的思念
曾经多少个今夜
梦回秦关

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

childhood dreams.dreams meant to be dreamt

when i was a little girl,
still wrapped up in my diapers,
i wanted to be a teacher, just like my parents,
i used to lined my soft toys up into a row
and taught them joanne-knowledge...

as i get a little older, there was something called television,
i watched countries send people up into space, to the moon,
voooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmm they went,
i wondered,
how does it feel like being up on one of those rockets?
i told myself,
one day i will be the first female Singaporean astronaut!

then i entered school, i was fascinated by people,
i love to observe them.
i wanted to have the superpower to read them,
i dream i day i will own a psychiatrist clinic,
i am the doctor you are seeing.

as my passion for Chinese literature got ignited
somewhere along my long years of studying,
i always thought i was a Tang or Song Dynasty person,
living in the wrong era.
i wanted to go back 'home' back into the time i belonged.

soon, as my days in uniform came closer to an end,
i thought one day i might just be the greatest advertiser,
i make advertisements that everyone will remember
for a long long time.

then i thought maybe there will be just one day,
i will put on my business suit,
making business deals with people
from all regions of the world.

back to reality,
i thought of the 'degree' that i would graduate with,
i told myself, one day i will be in that power suit,
one day i will sit at some embassy in some other country
i am still with my roots,
just that i dint want to live in the garden city
for some years to come
i want to see the world,
fill my eyes with the beauty He made!

then one day, it suddenly struck me,
maybe one fine day,
i will get married,
have children,
and live all my life here.



女人为了丈夫放弃梦想,
女人为了孩子放弃事业!
唉呼!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Ask and it shall be Given

i've always wanted to ask someone, at least the 'someone' here finally refers to either of my parents. actually i really don't know why i suddenly have this urge to seek for their advice, but i think i need them, seriously need them.

today we were having lunch together as usual, and my dad asked me out of the blue, 'what are your plans for your birthday?' and i looked at him, in shock and disbelieved. since those days they forgot my birthday and others had to do it in place for them, i never really carry much hope that they will ever remember that day again. i always thought birthdays are meant to be celebrated by myself since then.

FB is always a good source of ideas how to celebrate one's 21th birthday. too many fanciful ideas there, but none's one that i really want.

that moment, i really wanted to ask, 'can i only invite one friend?' but that question just remained in my head for rest of the meal.

hours later, when there was only my mother and me, doing some stock-up shopping, i finally ask her. at first she was really disappointed that i am so pathetic to having only one friend, but i think she got what i meant eventually.

somehow i don't think i did a good job at masking up things from her, she seems to have guessed some things on her own. but at least that imagination she had conceived was a vague one.



ultimately to my parents, i just want this day to be special. special because you have given me a lot of wonderful moments in life, though i was not the best of the daughters. and hopefully even more special because i've brought someone equally special into our threesome world.

most importantly, don't disappoint me. even if it means to take time, don't ever let me down.