secretly, i think i live in a world half filled with reality, half filled with my fantasies, and imagination. here, fantasies, i don't mean sexual fantasies, but rather, i find myself recently caught in this cycle of fantasizing our dates together over and over again, in so many permutations of similar yet different but perfect dates with him. does this make sense to you? will if it doesn't, its ok, i don't know how to explain it anyway. somehow, sometimes i mixed my own imagination up with the date we had in reality, i am confusing myself. but despite knowing this, i dont want to stop this wild imagination. i love it seriously. its like a non-stop ideas generator that gives me endless 'something special' that i can do with him on the next date. but, sadly, seeing him makes my mind and heart flutters too much, i forget most of my wonderful ideas. such an irony, but such a beautiful world to live in. self deception you call that? who cares? i like.
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