senior year-crisis syndrome

in 2 day's time, 

i'll be in my senior year.

this feeling is overwhelming, trying to burst free from within me. 

i did something really stupid.

it was 1 july when i touched down in Singapore,

and BOSS (bidding) took place that same day.

in my tiredness and heckcare-ness, i bid for modules without checking their course outlines.

now, way after BOSS 1, 1A and 1B are all over, 

when most (interesting) modules are fully taken, 

i regretted my bids, 

now i am yearning for modules that have no vacancies.

all i can do is hope some kind soul will drop them come monday,

so that i can get them in BOSS 2. 

senior year... ...

it means i no longer have the privilege of waiting,

waiting another semester or more until the module that i want is being offered again.

it means now, or never. 

chance, its the last one that i have now. 

and i must admit, 

after a semester of exchange, 

i am no longer that courageous like before.

previously, it never occurred to me that there was such thing called 'difficult' module,
or rather, i pushed that idea out of my mind, never giving it a chance to invade and defeat me

i bid for it, i just take it and do it irregardlessly.

but now, gone is this courage. 

i have no guts to do my last political science elective,

no guts to face the first and last possible LAW module that i might take,

no guts to even take the compulsory CAT (excel) module,

and finally, 

the intense fear of not doing well,

nullifying all the efforts i made to pull my grades above the 'safety' region. 

so in the end, 

i'm still such a sucker in the stomach!

i'm so disgusting!!!