rewind and replay

it seems like the date of moving is nearing, so since the academic semester has ended for me, i've decided to do some clearing and packing before i start my internship.

old grandmothers like keep their life savings in Jacob biscuits tin boxes and hide them in some secure places. i am an old woman at heart, i love to keep sentimental things in tins too. so i have tins and tins of them packing inside my cardboard. its about time to take them out and throw away some of the less important things.

under the thick layer of dust, i found many things...

there were letters friends wrote to me, cards best friends sent me during festive seasons, and even cards that were addressed to Joanne and signed off 'lots of love, from Joanne'.

there were also diaries that i kept over the years. i never realized the amount of emotions and memories i wrote down all these years before blogging became a more convenient and organized option. though i was tempted to read them over and over again, but i never plucked up the courage to read them. i was fearful of re-visiting the past in minute detail. i would rather let memories replay on a selective basis like how i pick songs to listen from a CD.

some past i have tried over the long course of the years to erase them without leaving a trace from my memory. i thought i have won over them. but once in a blue moon they still come back to haunt me. these months it has turned nothing for the better. i know enough time have passed and i naively thought that i have let go of them, but it seems not so. all these years, i still held on to it without realizing.

every time i dream of the future, i am in utter fear, because the past will not let me go, it will only continue to haunt me for the many years to come..

不学习放开，是囚禁自己的心灵，

只有学会放开，才能让心灵自由的飞翔！