it never did occur to me

when i was young, it never came across to me that death would occur so close to home.

when i was 11, i realized for the first time that death could take away my love ones.

when i was 15, i realized that death could make me remember of what she used to do and imagined for a moment that next Chinese new year i could see her smile at me yet once again.

now 20, i realized for the first time that death would make me cry in regret because me realized all of a sudden there was nothing called 'next time i will have the chance to do/say it'.