blogvisiting

sometimes i really feel very apologetic towards Jovena, not because i did something mean to her, but because i seldom stalk her blog as much as i stalk some other classmate's.

i feel so guilty for that, so each time i visit her blog, i read a whole lot of posts all together. maybe its high time joanne starts to stalk jovena's blog earnestly like how she stalks mine.

reading her blog, i could imagine how she felt when she wrote them. i wonder what went through her mind when she reads my blog? i guess its a explosion of question marks!

today i left a comment there, oh finally after a year i think. i thought of jovena always tagging on my tagboard, i wonder how she felt each time she tagged.

i read this post. she said she is going to hold a party for her 21th birthday. (MUST INVITE ME!!!) it once again hit me, how am i going to celebrate mine? maybe wondering off into the wilderness. (but where is the wilderness?!?)

oh boy, i think its just the old at heart young woman blabbering nonsense again! oops!

恋人

是不是恋爱中的人，

都会开始渐渐的为了彼此，

迷失了自己？

The Lie

The Lie

By Nathaniel Koh

Her mind wanders amidst the now nightly ritual. Ever since she made them bigger, her husband never fails to seek a ride from her. He always seems to turn all pubescent at the sight of them bare. As the damp warmth of red hot muscle gently rounds her bosom skin, she lets out the obligatory moan that barely penetrates the sweaty air. But what sounded like a moan to him felt more like a sigh to her. Thoughts run through her mind as quickly as his climatic burst. She should do it. No. She must do it. Must she?

As he slumps beside her in spent ecstasy, she lies there, eyes fixed to the nothingness of the night.

“That was good, Jane.” he says.

She hears nothing.

She just wants to get out. Out of this pack of lies.

He always says he loves her. But she knows better. He does not seek pleasure from her. He only seeks to pleasure himself. She is just a tool. His tool.

She has given up the struggle. It’s not worth it, she thinks. It just gets worse everytime she struggles. Rage. Slam. Slap. Force. Fear. Fuck.

But she’s tired. Tired of being a slave to his manhood. Tired of always being the obedient one. She obeys without him saying a word. She obeys because she fears. Him. His fist. His thing.

Gently, her right hand fingers the contours of her breast,feeling the subtle heaves of her chest. It just feels so…unreal. He had threatened to leave her. No longer a pleasure, he said. She pleaded that she would do anything to stay by his side.

Big mistake.

She knows it’s not going to last. The novelty will wear off soon enough. No longer a pleasure, he will say once more. What will she do then? She can’t keep on living this lie.

The fingers on her perfectly-rounded breasts are not hers now. He has arisen, turned over from his slumber. His muggy hands cupping the fullness of her bosom. Her areola encircled by his salivary tongue. His hardened thrusts goes deeper and deeper into her. But even as their bodies become one, their eyes never meet.

“Come, scream for me Jane. Come on..yea..”

Silence.

She’s not obligated to anymore.

For she knows she must.

--- END ---

little paper stars

oh so happening!

we can be just as happening without announcing it on FB for the world to know! the unsaid happening is more profound and special than the happening that is exposed to the world.

its the little bits and pieces of happening memories that we share that will fill the bottle like those paper stars. each star talks of a memory. each star is a promise made and a promise realized. each star is a step closer to a more beautiful tomorrow!

说爱，懂爱

我说：看别人说爱很容易，原来自己不知道爱，更不懂得如何去爱。 可悲吧？

你说：不会，因为我跟你一样，不懂得什么是爱。

起码我们都勇敢地承认不懂什么是爱，

强比那些炫耀着懂得爱，却其实不懂爱。

考验.牵手

当你说，你要改变， 证明给我看，

我知道，这一刻开始，那是对我最大的考验！

但愿你的改变，会带着我一起成长， 进步。

本为喜，惜，唉呼！

i have a truck load of questions to ask,

but who will answer them for me?

after all these, am i back to square one?

or am i even progressing after all?

来得太顺意的东西，

是否就能这样毫不痛心的让它溜走？

first day at sunday school!

this was the group photo we took on the first day of Sunday school. i've decided to post this photo instead because my class photo was too blur.

its a brand new year, a brand new start, for me, and for each and everyone of them too. i heard some students screamed : i'm PRIMARY ONE already!!! this reminds me of years back, when i first entered primary school. i was a brave girl, all out to experience the new challenges ahead of me. i went to school all by myself, and i did not cried a single tear no matter how the other kids wailed when they dont see their parents around.

with a new start, i hope things will shine for the better. (;

dating

A : are you free for lunch tomorrow?

B : erm... i'm going out tomorrow.

A : dating? who date you?

B : i am dating myself.

跨年

老妈说收拾好家里就可以跨年。

我说，

叠起所有的回忆，收拾好心情，

背起满满的勇气，带着满怀的憧憬，

一起跨年吧！